Depression

Human do change. Just a short period of time, everything can be haywire. Expectation too much leads to disaster. I think I still did not learn well. Regret on my deeds. Although my hopes are high.

I wish I can turn back time. This 3 days of depression, I really experience it well. It kills your appetite, your moods and your hype. All in mind was clouded by the person I really love. But myself ruin it by my own bare hands and deeds.

Everyday, I wish to sleep. I'm not a sleeping person to start with. But this 3 days, I really wants to sleep because I find that sleeping will make your mind stop thinking of all this depressions. But, when I'm a wake, its mere hell. Depression clouded me once I open my eyes. Feels the suffering.

Whenever the things we did together flashes back in my mind, it's actually slicing my flesh and breaking my heart pieces to pieces. I don't know how long can I stand for this. But, as people always says, nothing last forever. Even pain.

Should I continue to expect for miracles? Or change my methods to Hope perhaps? Expecting will make you disappointed. But Hope, will make u waiting without disappointment? I'm kinda lost. Oh dear Lord, please guide me. I really am lost and need the light of your guidance.

I really love you. Even you are not the one for me or I'm not the one for you, I still love you. You are the one that is always in my mind. I just don't know but, I love you...

Birthday Before I Sleep

Actually, am really happy. Sometimes perhaps thinking too much is just not the right thing to do. After today, really need to think seriously on controlling my emotions and thinking. If someone is staying silence doesn't mean he does not appreciates you. It's sometimes truly said as "actions speaks louder than words". And I've experience it tonight. I still hope that I don't think too much. But somehow still feeling a bit of a dilemma. Feeling contended at the same time feeling miss and a little bit of emotional. Really miss him very much. Thank you for getting me a pair of nice shoes. I realize that you keep everything in your mind, everything that I said is really in your mind. I'm happy just for this. Wished that I can stay longer by your side. No matter what I will hold this on, no matter how tough, how suffer this will be, I will try to hold on and I believe, will believe, that someday, something good will happen. Will be wishing and waiting for that day to come :)

Birthday 2012

2012 Birthday seems not so bad! Gatherings, lunch, dinners, old friends.... some ups and downs throughout the month, great experiences. Feeling contended on what I have and what I get.

My last wish for my birthday is, may I grew brighter, mentally, steady, think wider and bring joys to people around me. Also wish everyone good health and stay happy together with me :)

This year my wall is flooded with almost 300 wishes! I'm blessed! Thanks everyone, if I've missed out anyone that I did not thank, I'll thank you here from the bottom of my heart!

Last but not least, I wanna thank my mom the most! My birthday is not only my day, but is the day she felt pain on her tummy just to give life to a big piece of rascal, me! Thanks mom! Love you :)

怎么判断一个人爱你？

不需要听他甜言蜜语，不需要看他做浪漫事情。当激情褪去，你们一定会有些矛盾，生活的麻烦令你们开始吵架，而这时候，一个愿意忍你的男人，才是爱你的。因为，爱是种委曲求全的付出。愿意委屈自己的人，唯一的原因，就是深深爱着对方。

Spliting Mind

It's really a dilemma. I've enjoyed my oversea trip, expecting to clear off the mind, seeking calmness and serenity. But sometimes unexpected things will happen and it will even make u confuse or perhaps adding in some new stuff when u clear off the old. I do enjoy my trip. Feel contended but somehow, felt something is missing. Some part of me is missing and I don't think I'm able to seek it back.

Tonight, I feel that my mind is splitting. Apparently both route is a good route. But somehow I cant figure out which route is the route then trigger the emotional cause. Which route that I'm feeling hard for to travel on? Just hope that one day I will find the light to guide me through this road, to my answer. Waiting and walking unknown routes might be amusing and interesting, but somehow we will feel lost too...

Once again, Confusion

I wonder is everyone has the limit of confusion in some period of time. I'm really lost and I am afraid of losing myself as well. I can't feel the reality lately. I hope I'm not dwelling in my dreams too much. I need an answer. I know I need an answer. But I don't know what answer am I seeking because I don't have a specific question to start out with. I can feel my heart trembling. My mind is flying away to the things I want. Perhaps too much? Or maybe I lack security. I need to feel secure.

What if I need you now?

Always missing you. Always tell myself that I wouldn't call and wouldn't text you. But in the end I lost all control. Just can't bear with it and ended up calling and texting, makes me feels like I'm someone annoying and dependable. Staying quietly waiting will it lead to any outcome? If I really need to hear your voice and read your replies... If i really need you now, what should i do? I'm lost and I hope I can find the light into your heart... I hope you can hear this whispers from my heart...

My First Time to Singapore

This is a very special trip, a very last minute yet successful trip. Enjoyed myself very much. It's yet another meaningful story to slot in my diary. Will miss this moment badly. Hopefully every moment is gold and precious that will last till the end. Hopefully, this bond and happiness is everlasting too...

Forever in Your Grasp

拥抱你那刹那是最不需要象太多的时候. 总觉得好幸福 好温暖，把所有不美好的事情都变得美好了. 你不在我身边 真的很想很想你. 我落泪是 真希望能够把抱着你的时候变永恒，把我所有的伤心也带走...

真的很想你....

Me as your Remedy

I truly hope, that I can make you feel better. I Hope that I have the ability to heal and sooth your soul. I wished that I'm your medicine. I believe, my words, my conversations with you will let you forget all your sorrows and depressions. I want to be your Remedy :)

我们都傻

计算着温柔陌生的多少别离
当我思念的心 泛滥的时候
看着你的样子 是你在伤心
揪心的是 我的离开
倔强的以为我真的能改变你
看你装无辜的眼神 我很窒息
难道你没有看见 看见我对你的好
还是你忘了那些数不清的爱情轨迹

你说我傻 傻在爱上只懂爱自己的人
我说你傻 傻在爱他你的眼睛骗不了人
我们都傻 傻在为一段没有未来的爱情付出
还在期待会有奇迹出现

你说我傻 傻在爱上没有感情的分身
我说你傻 傻在爱他就固执的奋不顾身
我们都傻 傻在宁愿被牺牲也不愿意放弃天真
还在期待会有奇迹出现

My Gor Gor

This is the 2nd time my gor gor give me a hug. The first time was when i bought him a gift for Christmas and this time, he concerns bout me cuz he knows that i'm sad and feeling down. The best part was, when he hugged me, he says "it's ok, everything will be fine". It makes big different with that words he says combining it with his actions. Thanks gor gor.... :)

Whisper of the Heart

Speaking about Law of Attraction, this is totally opposite from it. Thinking of positivity, that makes possibility, but still my mind can't expel those negativity.

I always feels that being alone is filled with freedom and privacy. But I didn't know sometimes being with friends can also feel empty. Perhaps is the mind that is floating elsewhere causing emptiness. But feeling empty, is not totally empty with nothing to give. Tears still will be flowing out.

I realized that the most sorrowful and hurtful feeling is being neglected, treated cold and forgotten. Should I feel bad and blame the person who give me the heartache? Or should I thank the person for breaking my heart, so that I can be stronger? Conclusion to this, no matter what's the outcome, heart is aching and it's totally not a good feeling...

Law of Attraction

Love this quote.... Hope to try it and make it happen :)

"Imagine it, realized it, make an concrete image and keep thinking of what you crave for....
Absorb only Positive thoughts....

Your mind is like a mirror and will reflect your dream to the universe and attract all the positive things back to you...."

Back in Every Year

It's been a while. From my last post regarding my BodyJam Training, till now, I'm a full fledged BodyJam Instructor. Of course with lots of hard work and effort infused in it.

Another year has been passed. Am riding a brand new year now. With new mindsets, new task, new challenges, new happiness and sorrows. Ever since 2011 started, my emotions are like the waves. Going up and down. I don't think it's a good thing or a good sign. But unfortunately, emotions are just difficult to be controlled. I will never admit that myself is a strong person. I'm always weak physically and mentally.

Talking bout weak. Just recovered from bad fever and flu. Right up till now am not fully recovered yet. This will add on some waves into my daily emotions. Found out that this is really the killing combo that really sucks big time! Sick plus emotional equals disasters!!

By the way, something actually bothering myself. I hope I will find my light and guide me to the right route. Sometimes am really lost. No directions. Feel so helpless and insecure. And i seriously want happiness. Realized that when a person is getting older, thoughts seems to fly more in mind and will caused unhappiness. I wanna be happy again. I missed my school days. I miss those days which we need not think too much and just have fun with our lives without worries. I really missed those days so badly. Do you?

Body Jam Training

It has been some time when I've figure out myself to join the Body Jam training, a Les Mills program. With many positive encouragement from friends around me and many instructors as well who gives encouragement so that I will go for this training, and finally I've made up my mind to do so.

Its another 2 more days till the training day arrive. Past few weeks ago was very nervous, feeling anxious, and worried. Now feeling slightly better. Should have pump in more self confident for myself to face this challenge.

I hope I'm fine and can do it well. Although still a little nervous. But, will always tell myself I'm ready to face it! "Have fun and enjoy" is what everyone told me to be ready of! I wanna shine! Here I come BJ Training!! :D

Fading Trust?

Humans are very complicated creatures on earth. It's because they have a mind to think too much no matter from the simplest thing to the most terrifying act. Recently, really felt restless. Why people who are what we think they are turns out to be someone strange. It's just like a stranger who are always being close with us. Its really horrifying to even think about it.

Maybe my mind flies over the clouds and over-thought of stuff that might not happened? Or it is really as what my mesmerizing thoughts could be? Perhaps its a myth. I wonder...

I'm losing trust. Disappointment. What else can human really do? Sometimes it does filled me with lots of hatred. It gives me the shivers to ever imagined and fantasize about it.

Dear friends, please think twice and use the mind that human have to think rationally and not selfishly. A mind can be positive and negative. If its a good way to make things good, why not do the good deeds instead? Need not acts that really have bad motif on the other side.

回信

放飞机其实只是个很小的事情.
可能你会把它看得太重.
很多时候 有些事情 不需要把它抓得太紧.
如果你真的很在意， 不想等待， 需要确认， 你未必等.
你也会说sms并不贵.
打个电话问一问 得个肯定 也不难.
换个角度来看 不一定是要别人现告诉你.
你也可以比人家现问.

我觉得你所说的全部都是用 “我” 这个字来做出发点.
如果这只是你的想法 那不是有点自私吗?
你提到的一切是你希望人们可以变成你想要的人或你希望得到的东西.

朋友，如果觉得不肯定 就未必等到最后一分钟才问.
很多时候 你也是个很slumber的人.
不要只是你自己能slumber别人就不能.
这就是叫自私的想法吧.

你要知道 你付出多少 不代表你能得回多少.
Expectation是有的.
当expectation太高的话disappointment就会跟加高.
所以不要总是 付出时就有那种人家会应为你曾经为他付出过，
所以一定会 站在你那边， 一定为你伸出援手 的心态. 这些就是心机.

你曾经说过 那些心机不是拿来用在朋友身上.
但现在你让我觉得你重量的心机已重重的压上朋友们的心上.

很多时候 做些事前希望你能考虑效果.
我相信 醉中是有3分清醒的. 我也是有试过喝醉酒的感觉.

脑袋是清醒的 还能控制自己的行为的. 不需要借酒行凶的.
请留点尊严给自己. 你做得爽不代表人家看得爽.
这样的行为让我觉得你很desperate又带点cheap的感觉.
也看得出你有种耍心机的行为 让我心里觉得很不舒服 又很生气.

我做人比较straight forward. 不喜欢假装什么.
想到什么就说什么. 应觉带面具讲话很辛苦.
对朋友也一样. 何必让来让去，闪来闪去.
只用我真心而不是心机在我朋友身上.
人家对我好我就对他好. 得不到回报也没关系.
我只是想对人好. 付出过后人家开心那就是个很好的回报了.
人家开心已代表珍惜我所为他做的事情.

Heart Content

Dear Friends, I appreciate you guys. I know I might be very dependent sometimes. My characteristics shows that I am someone who always seeking for reliability as well. I know that you guys are all concern bout me. Really thank you a lot! I'm not being self centered. Maybe I'm the type who really don't know how to really express myself. Many people seems to feel confuse bout me and can't really read me.

Recently am really a bit down. And I know that you guys really feel heart ache seeing me like this. But I m sure, I will heal. I just need time. I'm trying my best to be cheerful when outing with you guys. I am really trying my best. If it still can't conceal my sadness and sorrow, I am really sorry. I'm still a normal human after all. All I can do is just motivate and support others positively. That's my philosophy. Cuz I believe no point using negative words and thoughts towards the people I really care of. But when it comes to myself, talk is cheap. I can't motivate myself with those positive words that i showered upon my friends.

Came through something from the radio when I was down, driving home. "The greatest magician of all is Time. It heals and will make magic to your life". I can only rely on it right now. Friends, we all need time. Maybe its a chance for me to grow up as well. Thank you and appreciate all of you guy's concern. Fortunate to have friends that cares.

The Song in My Heart

Love is not a easy game to play. The rhythm is really hard to catch.

Feeling really bad, when misunderstandings occur. I'm not sad, not angry, just brokened heart. The scene of us together, the things we've done, keep replaying themselves in my mind causing sleepless nights.

Your breath drips into my heart, my love, just like rain drops. I wish I can just cry my worries, my sorrows, my fears out. But I can't cry a single tear. Perhaps the rain will replace my tears.

Your emotions, your expressions are like the weather, rapidly changing. My foot steps are not quick enough to chase the speed of the changes.

Everything is still blured from my sight, but I rather not to be too clear bout reality.

The only thing I can say is, I'm true and I'm really sincere. Whatever I did, My actions, My deeds, are all sincere.